| New blogging place |
[May. 18th, 2009|12:12 pm] |
So I've stopped blogging here, mostly because I'm trying to expand my blogging base, and limit the number of places that I have to post my blogs. Also I'm attempting to involve myself in a blog that is less me complaining about things, but engaging in political/social/journalistic commentary. So, go check out the new blog, and enjoy.
Diary of a Saint, Confessions of a Sinner
[Edit: So I forgot to mention that the new blog will be updating weekly on Wednesdays. Enjoy!] |
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| Movie Quiz |
[Dec. 15th, 2008|04:56 pm] |
Can't resist a movie quiz
1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions.
HAVE FUN!
#1 Character 1: If you think I'm going to marry that pint-sized twerp, you're nuts!
Character 2: [laughing] Pint-sized twerp? I love that!
[continues laughing, then pauses]
Character 2: What is a twerp?
#2 Character 1: Gosh. They're little red robots.
[the robots evolve into giants]
Character 2: You mean *big* red robots!
Characters 3 & 4: You mean big red *rotten* robots!
#3 "If I kill my nephew, would it be murder or charity? "
#4 Character 1: Damn it! What is wrong with you? You want revelations engraved in gold and angels trumpeting down from heaven? But what if this is it instead? Me, telling you I love you, right here, in the snow? I think that is pretty miraculous. But if you don't... I'll go. I'll walk and you can pretend that this was just some coincidence. You can pretend there wasn't some reason that we met, and that you're sorry I ever walked into you life.
[walks to the door, but it won't open]
Character 1: God, I hate the snow.
#5 "Good would be totally impotent, without the contrast of evil. "
#6 "Ya know it could be like this, just like this always. "
#7 Character 1: [seeing a floating tray of hamburgers] What the hell is that?
Character 2: Oh it's them. The little guys. My little munchkins.
Character 1: You stay away from me! You're not fooling anybody! Crazy my ass!
#8 Character 1: He won't come after me.
Character 2: Oh really?
Character 1: He won't. I can't explain it... He - he would consider that rude.
#9 "A woman... so ugly on the inside she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer, a drug dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore! Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. But that's the point. We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night."
#10 Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here.
#11 Courage of the heart is very rare. The stone has a power when it's there.
#12 "Do you believe in destiny? That even the powers of time can be altered for a single purpose? That the luckiest man who walks on this earth is the one who finds... true love? "
#13 Character 1: Witch! Trollop! You buck toothed, mop riding, firefly from hell! You don't know how long I've wanted to say that.
Character 2: Say whatever you want; just don't breath on me!
#14 That's all.
#15 It's a hand not a shark.
Already Guessed:
#1 - The Chipmunk Adventure
#8 - Silence of the Lambs
#9 - Se7en
#13 - Hocus Pocus |
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| This weeks blog |
[Oct. 17th, 2008|04:30 pm] |
Alright, so there are a few things I'd like to blog about, simply because they're there.
One of them being the television show, Heroes. I love this show, and have followed it pseudo religiously since the day it started. And while I'm a huge fan of the show, I'm also a huge fan of something else. CONTINUITY! I'm a good enough fan to go with the flow and just assume that it all gets worked out in the end. But some things I'd like to know are worked out. For instance, when Peter lost his memory and accidentally transported (then girlfriend) Caitlyn (with her adorable irish accent and everything) to the virus ridden future, what happened when he came back and left her there? I know since he destroyed the virus and all that she's probably back in Ireland or wherever dealing with her mob-ish brother and goon-ish friends. But it would be nice if he sought her out since she helped him during that lack-of-memory period.
Also I think we need to consolidate storylines. I'm all a fan for having a huge cast and intricate plots and sub-plots and plots to my sub-plots plots but I think the show is taking it to ridiculous lengths. I've been reading on the web, and lest we forget about Niki's abusive father and her sister Jessica who was also one of her alternate personalities that was killed by said father. (and this is not one of her other two twin sisters who were injected with power inducing formulae (or whatever the plural of formula is)).
All I'm asking for right now is a little more continuity and a little less assumption that we viewers are just gonna stick with it. Tie up some loose ends Kring, before you loose viewers like we've been infected with the shanti virus.
One other thing I'm relatively pleased with is the continued success of Cloris Leachman on DwtS. I think that despite the fact that the judges don't seem to know what they want from their dancers, and are either high, drunk, or both, when watching people perform that the dancers are doing a wonderful job. Lance and Lacey are doing the best they can with what the judges are telling them. Cloris is trying to find a way to balance her dancing skills and her far better skills as a show-woman. She is an entertainer after all.
Lets see, I know there's other things in the news that bother me. Oh. Here's something interesting. Apparently after getting bailed out with a large portion of 700 BILLION dollars and after spending approx. 440,000 more dollars on a retreat and spa thingy, the executives at the prestigious AIG decided to do a little hunting....IN EUROPE. After reading this I am more adamant than ever that that company just needs to go under.
Not once, but twice did they use funds, after the bailout of their company which staved off financial ruin of their top executives, did those same executives who begged for money go off and spend it frivolously. If anyone that I know did that, the money would be gone faster than we could blink, and we'd be thrown in a federal prison and the key would be melted down for something else. Now is the time that we need to step up and tell the rich that simply because they have money, doesn't mean that their (excuse the language) shit don't stink.
Interestingly enough, there's another minority out there that is seeking to get full protection under the law and failing. After reading the article, I couldn't imagine why. And before you jump down my throat about bashing minorities, read the article
Personally I think that its a crock. If you're an "ex-gay" then you're not homosexual. Which means you're also not bisexual. So unless you're something really out there like a...necrosexual or something (any anything beyond hetero, homo, and bi is probably illegal), the only thing left is heterosexual. Ergo, you're straight and have full rights, protections, and privileges under the law. So where's the problem.
If the issue comes from having once been considered homosexual, and the things that happened during that period, (assuming that being homosexual is a choice (which is not my viewpoint, FYI)) then you have nobody to blame but yourself. You made the choice to be gay, and you made the choice to back out of that lifestyle. You also made the choice to open your big ol mouth about having been gay too you idiots.
Alright, well I think that concludes another resounding issue of things that I find annoying. As always I welcome discussion on anything I blog about here. And for those interesting in reading my treaties on how being gay and Lutheran works....I haven't started it yet, its still purely in mental form. Maybe once snow flies I'll start putting it on paper.
Oh, before I forget I finally got my copy of Pastor, I am Gay the book that Sarah Palin purportedly wanted banned/removed from a library up in Alaska. Its an AMAZING book. I only wish I had this book when I was in college. I would have told EVERYONE to read it. As it is I'm going to recommend my old professors read it and discuss it with their students, or at the very least add it to the reading lists or something for their classes. It would come in as such a good useful book for a Youth Ministry course or a good discussion in a religious course nonetheless. I highly recommend it if you're going to be dealing with GLBT people in your religious career at all. |
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| Current Events? [Edit] |
[Oct. 9th, 2008|11:39 am] |
Alright, so I initially thought that I would blog on a semi-regular basis. But that idea didn’t go so well when I realized that you all probably don’t want to listen to me gripe about what my boss has put me through on any given day. So I’ll probably only be blogging, or something akin to it, whenever I have time and come across things that I feel are worth spending time writing about.
So I actually heard this story on the Jane & Kidd morning show on 99.1 here in Milwaukee, and I was kinda pissed about it. Apparently the top executives of the huge insurance company AIG, went on a HUGE [read 440,000.00 dollars worth] spa retreat only days/hours/rather small amount of time after accepting their portion of the 700 Billion dollar bailout from the Fed/taxpayers.
I wasn’t totally livid, but I believe my first thought was “So, we can take that back, right?” Because, come on, if we bail you out and you go on a spa weekend, I think that what you’re basically telling us (those who bailed you out) that you think we’re dupes. Think about it this way, if you borrowed, oh say 700 dollars from a friend/neighbor/relative as a loan, to bail you out when things were looking pretty bleak for you, and then you take a trip to the Bahamas right after accepting that loan from your friend…I imagine whoever supplied that loan would probably bang your door down and beat you senseless. Or at least demand their money back, right now.
And that’s basically what I see happened here. We (the American people) bailed out a company to stave off huge economic catastrophe (notice the use of loaded language to describe the current market situation) and then were basically given the finger as the executives got into their limos to make a quick getaway. That’s awful, and according to the fed “despicable”. So my question is, what are we going to do about it.
While we can’t beat them senseless, I think we should at least prove to these blustering, pompous, egomaniacal, windbags of businessmen that we will not stand for that. Take the money back, and let the company take the fall, and let them deal with the fallout of the investors and customers. Or fire them, and take away any sort of pension/401K plans and such that they may have. I don’t know, I’m not all that business-y but something should be done to communicate to them that we will not stand for this type of behavior.
Also, later on in the article they talk about laying blame on why the company and the economic crisis is so bad. This is pointless. Its not a matter of who’s fault it is that this happened, although it needs to be addressed so it doesn’t happen in the future. But rather than spending time to point fingers at every possible executive aside from yourself, why not take a pay cut and figure out how to help the economy instead of whining that its all falling apart.
As a child I was not allowed to whine about things, because I was told that whining didn’t accomplish anything. Neither does blaming everything in sight for a problem that is most likely partly your fault. But picking yourself up and fixing the damn problem is a way of dealing with it. So to all those executives who are earning millions of dollars in salaries a year, and who own 6 or so homes around the world. Suck it up and fix it, and stop effing whining!
On another note, I came across this story and was rather intrigued. So I read up on it. I even, as a religious person with a degree for such, decided that the book would be a decent read (if I could ever find it, and I’m working on it. I get to call Alaska at 1pm today). But I also looked up the book on Amazon, and read some reviews. This is just further reason why I will not vote for McCain/Palin.
McCain is aged, and will probably die under the pressures of presidency. Which leaves us with Palin who is a Christian Fundamentalist as the first female president, and a fundamentalist in charge of the most [albeit declining] powerful country in the world. And while I’m religious and all that jazz, I refuse to support fundamentalists in their crusade of viewing the world as strictly black and white. Not to mention that as an avid reader I would never support anyone who wanted to ban books for any reason.
So after reading the reviews and trying to procure a copy for myself, I thought that I should at least mention that this book isn’t a religious way of forcing homosexuality onto the religious community. As I understand it, the book is simply one pastors way of dealing with the increasing number of parishioners who are gay, and the issues that a pastor faces with sexuality. I think this book would be an excellent read, hence the wanting a copy. But I don’t think it should stop there.
I graduated from a conservative (LCMS) Lutheran college, who’s official policy regarding homosexuality is that they do not allow openly gay students to live on campus in the dorms, as it does not keep with the universities policy of living an upright Christian life, or some such drivel. Nevermind that all your jocks are drinking on a dry campus, smoking pot and who knows what, and that everyone is having more sex than you can shake a stick at. But those fags….let me tell ya…</sarcasm>
Having graduated from the Lay Ministry Program, with a focus on Youth Ministry, I really think that this book should be read by those entering that field. Mostly because the issue isn’t going away anytime soon. And the age old response to the issue of sexuality by the church to ignore it, hide it, or excommunicate it, just isn’t cutting it anymore.
I believe pastors (aside from those few who research this issue on their own, or have dealt with it in their parishes or what have you) are ill equipped to handle it when a parishioner comes to them expressing issues with sexuality. This book and a number of others would be a hugely beneficial tool to at least open the door and get the church and it’s workers to think about how to address this issue in the best way possible.
I’m also writing something that I don’t know what to call about how Christianity and homosexuality can co-exist. And while it’s not perfect (as a great many things aren’t) these conclusions have helped me find a measure of peace in my own life. So I’m hoping that once they get worked out on paper, they can do the same thing. If you wanna read it or prod me to get it done, or offer comments, I’d be more than happy to accommodate. ^_^
[Edit: So I called Alaska and was able to order the book. I learned two things from that. They will only sell the book to people out of state, and it takes an extra day to ship things from Alaska. For those of you who care to look further into getting a copy of the book in question this is their web address: http://www.goodbooksbadcoffee.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp
Their phone number is on the site and keep in mind their hours are 10am-7pm Monday through Saturday and that's 1pm-10pm Central time. The book itself is about $15 but you pay for shipping. I did the 2-day shipping and it cost me about 40$ to get it here on Monday. Just fyi.] |
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| Danger: Politics Within! |
[Sep. 26th, 2008|12:30 pm] |
Note: This will probably be the only think political I will ever post.
I would like to preface all of this blog with the a few things. One: I’m very politically apathetic, mostly for reasons that will be explained as I go along here. 2: My level of understanding regarding political issues is (very) limited because I have no desire to listen to any sort of propaganda regarding political issues. 3: I’m not trying to step on anyone’s toes, or offend anyone, but simply explain where I’m at in this whole debacle as an average young American, who doesn’t really have a burning interest in our nations mudpit that we call politics.
So after being sent some stuff regarding the Wall Street Bailout (WSB) which can be found here:
Story 1
Story 2
I really have to wonder what the heck is going on with the economy. The only thing I know, being a lowly peon, is that a grossly obscene amount of money is going to be put somewhere (I suppose Wall Street, the nebulous entity that it is) which is supposedly going to fix the economy…or so we’re led to believe.
Now, there are a few things that I would like to say, some of which have things to do with the WSB, some about the economy in general, and finally some things about politics in general (although I will warn you probably with a *little* bit of a slant to the left)
One would be that even though this outrageous amount of money is going to be used to bail out W.S/the economy, I have to wonder what is going to happen to the National Deficit that people have been complaining about for decades, and has only gotten worse in recent years. I remember about 5-6 years ago, maybe more, when the national deficit was all anyone could talk about. With this impending 700 BILLION-1 TRILLION dollar WSB, I have to wonder what sort of national deficit are we looking at for the next gazillion years?
Two, I’ve listened to various viewpoints on the economy. I’ve been told by many people who favor a conservative/republican POV (Point of View) that the economy is actually a lot stronger than the media portrays it to be. The only reason that the media is saying that the economy is weak is due to the fact that this is an election year.
While that may be the case, I have to say that from where I stand the economy’s going to shit. I look around and I see a lot of people in their 20s having a very hard time trying to find a job that will allow them to pay bills and such. People are loosing their houses and their jobs at record numbers and all sorts of other things.
Looking at some of those huge glaring issues, how could anyone say that the American economy is doing well to any degree considering the people that actually reside within the American economy sphere of influence are losing their shirts because they can’t make enough money to live?
Finally something I’d like to address about politics in general, and this applies to all people involved in politics without regard to political party choices or liberal or conservative leanings. When something happens in the economical/political sphere, how many average everyday Americans actually understand what is being talked about. Maybe it’s because we don’t care enough to know about our own system of governance and economy. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that if one dresses up issues (such as the WSB) with enough obscure economic-political terms, bad rhetoric, and political double speak, you could get average people to agree to anything, because they have no idea what is actually happening in the political world.
I for one would love to see a politician who presents things in a manner than everyone can possibly understand. For seasoned political veterans, that may be infuriating because they already know about what’s going on. But for the average person it would be a wonderful change of pace. Since America is supposed to be a “democracy” I think that a politician who takes the time to address issues in ways that the average American can understand would have my vote at the very least… |
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| Self-expresson vs Workplace Appearance |
[Sep. 24th, 2008|01:15 pm] |
So I was at work today, pondering different things, when a lady walked by my window talking on a cell phone. She wasn’t remarkable in any way, nor did she do anything that was particularly interesting, aside from walk down the street and talk (loudly) into her phone. But I did notice that she had her lip pierced. And then I started thinking…
A couple of days ago, I came into work and I hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, but it wasn’t all that bad (I thought) and I figured I could get by that day without too much trouble. Needless to say I was incorrect. I was asked (and I use the term loosely) to come in to work the next day clean shaven.
So now I wonder. I come from a generation that prides itself on many things. Ipods (of which I do not own), the internet (which we all know Al Gore created), and a whole plethora of other things. One of the more prominent things is our self-expression.
Pick a way my generation engages in the need for self-expression, which is something that has been ingrained in most of us since birth. Some people talk/debate/argue, others pierce things, others wear outlandish or unpopular clothes, some hairdos, some people tattoo the hell out of themselves. All of which is fine by itself.
But then you have other things that play a role in how self-expression wars with other ideals like…oh…say, appearance in the workplace.
I have come to understand that in certain settings it isn’t appropriate for people to get visible tattoos and have visible piercings. In some instances I can see where this is appropriate. Such as having piercings (aside from ears, I suppose) when working with food? Or when you enter the corporate world?
But how much of those expectations are holdovers from the “Leave it to Beaver” and other past concepts of what the working world is suppose to be? I mean I understand the need for self expression, and as long as those options are available, people (especially younger people) are going to take advantage of them when it suits their needs/desires.
But now you have a contradiction. For my generation’s entire lives they’ve been told to express themselves and a whole plethora of other self-esteem building garbage. But when they enter the workplace, they’re expected to do a complete 180 and be the epitome of conformity, because that’s the image of the working world/corporate world. And if they don’t conform, they’re doomed to not get any jobs better than working at fast food places or places like Hot Topic where those issues apparently don’t matter as much.
Now I realize that this has been a little unorganized in the way it’s been presented here, as its just sort of falling out of my head. But the two real issues here I suppose are, where do you draw the line between working world image and self expression, and two: how are we going to correct the disparity between the two.
I could write pages and pages (probably a thesis length work) on the different sides of the issue, but that’s not going to help anything, and it would be parroting the dozens of viewpoints that have already been said. And I certainly don’t have any answers, and would welcome discussion on the issue. But it was something that bothered me, and probably a lot of other people, so I figured it was worth putting here. |
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| It's been awhile |
[Sep. 22nd, 2008|07:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
Whoo! Wow, its been a long while since I blogged around here. But as I’ve been trying to get my life under control, I haven’t felt the need to blog. My energies are better spent elsewhere trying to keep myself afloat. That and I haven’t really had anything to say. Which isn’t to say that I have anything of import to say now, but I felt the need to blog.
While anticipating the impending premier of Heroes, I watched the season premier of House M.D. last week. And I love this show. I think it’s fantastic. Probably for various reasons (not the least of which is comparisons between me and the main character). But then something occurred to me:
There are a lot of people who love that show. And not only do they love the show they adore the main character. Now it could be said that they like the main character because he has the cojonés to say and do things that they only wish they could do, or whatever.
But it seems to me that that’s where the adoration of this character ends. As long as he stays in the little box with a big screen. But if they meet this archetype of character in reality, they despise him. And my question is why?! What is so different from watching a character like House because you like him, but hating him once you come face to face with him? It just makes me wonder…
Let’s see…I’m trying to think of anything else that’s bothering me at this point. OH! Duh, how stupid of me to forget, its an election year. And we’re in the proverbial 9th inning stretch, which means mudslinging abounds and false promises are whats falling from the wagging tongues of all politicians EVERYWHERE! Isn’t America grand?
Hrm. Well there’s the ever present job hunt, which I’m happy to announce may be over soon. But it may not be over soon. But I’m hoping and praying that it will end this week. So cross your fingers/keep me in your prayers.
So now I’m watching D.w.t.S. and I’m very excited. Probably not for reasons that you think though. ^_^ I’m all over Cloris. But the thing I’d like to mention is that I’m also watching it because of Mr. Bass. Who, remains cute despite an abysmal haircut, is openly gay. (can you see where this is going yet). Awhile back, when Lance was announced as a contestant there were jokes/rumors/innuendo that he would dance with another guy. Now most people laughed and shrugged it off as just that…a joke.
But after reading this link I realized that it shouldn’t be such a joke anymore. Despite the rules for ballroom dancing and the very traditional nature of the sport/hobby, which I respect immensely, I think that two men dancing together shouldn’t be anymore out of the ordinary than two women dancing together, which is very commonplace and very socially acceptable, especially in ballroom dance circles. I can recall numerous (too numerous to count) times when at the local moose lodge in the town that I grew up in, there were always a few couples of women dancing together for whatever reason. And nobody said anything.
Now, maybe this touched a nerve because I’m gay or because I’m a ballroom dancer (which is a hobby at least, and a possible job at best). I love to swing dance, but also a number of other dances. And while I respect the tradition of couples being man/woman, there are times I wish I could walk up to a cute boy who also dances and ask if he’d like to dance. (obviously there are a few problems with this, and I’ll let you, dear reader, puzzle them out).
And while I know that it probably wouldn’t cause too much of an uproar where I live and in the places that I dance, I can’t help but feel that nagging fear that most gay people feel that one step out of line and you could be asked to leave…or worse. Having to deal and live with that kind of fear and uncertainty is grossly unfair, and I would just implore my readers to stop and consider the little things like this.
Alright, at the risk of sounding like I’m pontificating or pushing some agenda, I’ll leave you with this. I’m never going to tell you what to think, but I will tell you to think, and hope that you do. But not too much, =P |
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| WOW |
[Feb. 4th, 2008|12:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
So its been a heck of a long time since I've updated this thing. *looks around at all the cobwebs* I mean it's not like I haven't had the time or anything, I've been unemployed for the last....Oh dear, almost three months. *shakes fist at world*
Well basically the story goes like this. After graduation I worked at school, yadda yadda yadda. I then got hoodwinked by a staffing service (that shall remain nameless) *coughaerohacktekchoke* Who dropped me, rather unknowingly, into a telemarketing job. (In my defense they didn't actually tell me, in layman's terms, what the job was.) So I did that for awhile, being *majorly* unsuccessful. What can I say, I'm not a salesman. It's just not going to happen. Either that or I refuse to be pushy, because I believe that it's bad business practice to be pushy. But apparently my opinion didn't mean jack to those people, who still wanted me to be a jerk. (Notice a problem here?) So when the contract on that temp job ran out, I decided to cut my losses and leave. (I'm pretty sure they were just as happy as I was, but obligated to sound sad...)
So that lead to the three months of unemployment, and subsequent lots of free time spent looking for jobs and things. Which takes away from pretty much everything. I did learn, however, some of the best ways to cut corners and be cheap. Not the least of which is mooching off of people. Which...I'm not ashamed to admit...I'm still good at, and it still makes me feel dirty. But it was either that or get swallowed by the universe and chomped into little bits by the craw of reality. Which I was not about, nor ready, to do. (you see another problem here?)
Some good things that have happened...I got myself a dog. So I'm now the proud papa of a weenie-dog. His name is Petey. (He came already named...for those of you who are thinking of weenie/peter jokes, for shame!) But he's been great for me. I've had him since October, and I can't (by this point) imagine life without him. And I'm seriously wondering how I ever survived without a pooch to cuddle with.
I finally have watched all of Star Trek: Voyager, Buffy, and Angel. So I now feel that a small part of me is complete and can be laid to rest. (I'm currently fighting my way with a friend, through the last season of Charmed which I skimped on)
Hrm, I became a Food Network junkie. Which means I can make whole bunches of new things, and throw together some other things off the top of my head. And I break all sorts of culinary rules, and I'm proud of it *blows raspberry*
Other than that I haven't been up to much, aside from not talking to people because I'm horrible about getting back to people, and replying to letters written, and keeping up on calling people. I'm horrible, awful, and evil. I know that, so forgive me and just move on. Thanks.
I suppose this is it for this particular post. There will be more, as I either love or hate the new job! |
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| Measuring gains and losses within the dichotomy |
[Jul. 20th, 2007|08:06 pm] |
With the impending release of the final Harry Potter book and the end of such an era that it signifies, I feel the need to be nostalgic for a moment and ponder those things that I have come to gain and lose in my life. Not knowing where to start, I shall start with some of the things I think are bigger.
Innocence. Most of us possess this as a [younger] youth. But along the road of life, we are beset by the troubles of life, and the hardships that lie within it. Things happen in our lives and our hearts become hardened to those things that we would have once thought of as amazing. Simple things become less pleasurable as the innocence is slowly eroded from our hearts, and the bitter realism begins to infect us. As I grow, I long for that innocence and the simplicity that comes along with it, and I find myself wondering if, once lost can it ever be recovered? I don't know. And though I long for it, I also find it intensely unlikeable. Only because that bitter realism that has taken a hold of me causes me to see innocence as naivety and ignorance. Once I thought this way, and I believed I was superior to those. However, when Jesus said "Let the little children come to me, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these" I now understand why. Innocence is sacred, and we should help those who still possess this quality to keep it, and still temper it with the realism of the way the world works. Is it possible to make that happen? I don't know. But as I said before, innocence should not be ripped away, but allowed to fade gradually as was meant to be.
Friends. They come and they go. I don't know why friends enter ones life for a time, and then leave just as suddenly. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it the will of God, call it whatever you like, but the fact remains that some people with whom one can develop a great closeness with, will eventually leave you in some form or another. Barring death, there is usually a reason why. For some that reason is as plain as the nose on your face (forgive me if you lack such, dear reader) and for others they spend the rest of their days pondering what could possibly make someone that they trusted so much, come to view them as such an anathema. Perhaps it's a part of growing up, a mere cog in the clockwork that forces us to transition between child and adult.
Which brings me to the dichotomy that I mentioned earlier. I recently accepted a job, for post college living, that I thought would be really good. And at first it seemed like a great opportunity. Two weeks into the job I have to rethink this. I'm not entirely certain this is what I should be doing. (though I don't claim to know what it is that I should be doing, by any means, but this doesn't feel right. I realize the benefit of the job in the pay and the benefits, but I find myself unhappy with what the job entails because I know I'm capable of so much more. But I also know that without experience, I'm incapable of proving to the world that I am such.
I suppose this is one of those struggles of life (and the dichotomy that I mentioned) I feel trapped by the maturity of myself that keeps me from being horribly impetuous and moving across the country with nothing, and doing all the stupid things of [most] other 21 year olds. But I also find myself wanting the chance to have fun and be "normal" if there is such a thing. Bound by what I know is the good, right, salutary, and sensible thing to do, I cannot allow myself to do those things that I know would be fun, because of the regret that would come later (not to mention the risk). But then I have to think to myself, what if this is it? What if I never get the chance to do this again? Will I spend the rest of my life regretting not actually being a [normal] 21 year old?
So as the end of an era looms, and another uncertain time stretches before us I suppose we can only do what we have always done in such times. Hold on, and hope for the best. |
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| I'm Sorry |
[Apr. 30th, 2007|04:23 pm] |
Apparently I'm just such an asshole that I don't know when I need to apologize, so here goes.
I'm sorry that I'm bitter, cynical, sarcastic, jaded, and otherwise grumpy. I'm living my life the best I can, and dealing with the stuff that I go through the best I can. I'm not you, and you're not me. I've spend the better part of two decades pretending that everything in my life was fine for the benefit of the comfortable-ness of others, and I'm not going to do it anymore, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I seem to be an egotistical jerk who's far to wrapped up in himself to even listen to criticism. For some reason I have this urge to keep a mask up for the world to see, and that's a mask of a strong, confident, guy with high-self esteem. Wearing a mask, as bad as it is, keeps me from getting hurt, which is what I'm really afraid of. That mask is my insurance that I'm not going to be hurt at every turn, because I don't like being hurt, in any form, any more than anyone else. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm gay and lutheran. I can't help either, and I'm not going to stop being either. For the first time in my life I'm able to admit who I really am, and that just happens to be this enigmatic, hypocritical dichotomy. I'm sorry that to you religious folk I'm some horrible blasphemous abomination that deserves to burn in hell. I'm sorry that to most of the gay world that I'm lutheran and that I still hold to those beliefs, which makes me a huge hypocrite and apparently insensitive to the struggles that a gay person goes through. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I get depressed when everyone around me is dating and very happy. I'm sorry that I don't allow myself to date because I've got priorities to take care of (graduating, getting a job, finding a permanent place to live, just to name a few) and can't afford to be distracted. I'm sorry that I get inexplicably depressed and cranky when all my friends spend most of their time with their significant other and I feel ignored (even though I'm overjoyed that you're finally happy) I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I don't apologize when I do something wrong and don't know it. But you need to tell me if I've done such things. I'm a big boy, I'll be able to handle it like an adult, provided you handle it like an adult. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I've seemed to change while you all haven't. People change, people evolve, people grow, it's just how the world works. Even those of you who don't claim to change still grow as people, and you change. Maybe not in ways that are as poignant and dramatic as my changes but you still change. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I refuse to see people deny reality and I make it known that I don't like it when people don't deal with their problems. I'm sorry that I make my thoughts and opinions known after spending nearly my whole life being told to keep my opinions to myself. I'm sorry.
I'm sure that I'll have much more to apologize for in the years to come, however many they are left. |
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| There should be a special layer of Hell... |
[Mar. 28th, 2007|10:17 am] |
There really should be a special layer of Hell, specifically for the people I don't like. And while that list is long and grueling, I think I'll give all of you a tiny glimpse of my list.
Guys who give you fake phone numbers. Now I'm not talking about after the "Oh hi. Damn you're cute, here's my number, call me" conversation. I'm talking about after the 20 minute conversation where you ask each other what you're doing, what your plans are, a little bit of joking, but generally a good time. And then you look at your watch and realize you were supposed to have left 10 minutes ago, so you trade numbers to get together and do lunch. Then you call said number, and its "no longer in service". Don't do that, its juvenile and stupid. Just tell me I'm an idiot for even thinking that you'd be interested in me. Trust me I'm a big boy I think I can handle it.
People who talk on cell phones while driving. I know you have the need to feel important by talking to people all the time. But please don't endanger the lives of people on the road because you need to feel important. And if its about a multitasking thing, just pull the fuck over and do one thing at a time. Preferably by not hurtling down the road at 70mph.
People who tailgate. Don't fucking do it. I've had enough people on my ass during the day, I don't need it when I'm on my way home, or wherever. It makes me want to drive slower! Which means your self important issue with speeding off to wherever you "NEED TO BE" is just going to be pushed to the limits. If you really need to be somewhere *right now* then A) leave earlier or B) pass me. Thats why those options are there.
Other than that life is going well. I think. I'm job hunting, and haven't heard anything yet, so it's a bit agonizing. I'm also apartment hunting, or at least trying to apartment hunt, and attempt to make that the smoothest transition possible. But I can't effectively apartment hunt until I have a job that I know I'll be able to make the rent. Blah.
I'm so freaking busy with school, and work, and teaching dancing that I barley have enough time to get anything done, and it's beginning to take its toll on me, I think. I went out for a few drinks last night, with a friend, and woke up at 9:30 when said friend called me. Totally slept through my 8:30 class. hehe, which I'm not worried about, I think we were watching a movie anyway, so no big deal. I probably needed the sleep, even though it was probably enforced sleep, it was sleep nonetheless.
Alright, I need to clean, and do laundry. And I have to write a two page book review before my Psych appointment, and then an internship meeting, and then dinner. Blah! |
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| Eventful days |
[Mar. 14th, 2007|11:20 am] |
So I've actually been rather active since I last posted, I think. Or at least I would like to think. Despite the ups and downs of college life, I think I hit a plateau and everything seems to have planed off, and I hope that it stays that way.
Finished reading The Picture of Dorian Gray and was struck by the ending. I liked the book, and I think it has great meaning to people of today's century. The fact that we don't think there's anything out there beyond sensation, and we do what we can to find more sensations, which of themselves aren't good or evil. And in doing so we destroy ourselves. A very good book, in my opinion.
Also watched the movie 300 which was also very well done in my opinion. I'd already heard about the Battle of Thermopylae from a friend who liked the story very much. So I went into the movie knowing a little bit about the story. I meant to ask another friend, who's a history major, about the correct-ness of the movie, but never got around to asking him about it. All in all the movie was rather artfully done. Granted it was a bit gory, but if it can be said about such things, it was the most tastefully done gore I've ever seen. I definitely give it a thumbs up, whatever that means, coming from me.
I also watched the movie Latter Days which, as movies go, made me cry. And if you know me you also know that I don't normally cry at movies. But this was very well done, and really struck a chord with me, because I understand intimately, the issues involved. I'm not going to go into them, because I want *you* (my dear readers) to go out and watch this movie yourselves. And don't just read the damn synopsis, because that isn't going to communicate the message of the movie. Definitely one to rent and see.
Couple that movie with the book that I have to read entitled The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen, makes for a couple of brooding contemplative weeks. It's really odd as I think about it because these things seem to mesh so well. In fact, most of the things in my life seem to be meshing in such a way that it makes me wonder about it all. Now I'm just trying to puzzle the meaning out of all of this meshing.
I finally got all the graduation stuff figured out. I do still need to do both the practicum and the internship. I spoke with the head of the Theology Department, and it looks like I'll be able to graduate in May, as a Lay Ministry major (minus the Lay Ministry certification(for more reasons than one)) and a Theology Minor. The job hunt has begun, and I'm currently looking at an opening at Marquette University, and an opening at the Counseling Center of Milwaukee. Both I think I'm rather capable of, and both have their pros and cons, so its just a matter of choosing where I want to go in life.
So it's spring break and I'm sitting at school just feeling old, working, and pondering things. Pondering life and love, the future and the past, and a lot of the present. Right now I just feel old, I mean I'm sitting in my room recording my memoirs a nice breeze gently flowing through the window, winters chill not quite gone from it. My hands fluttering on the keys of my computer, pausing only to lift the steaming cup of fragrant coffee to my lips, allowing its warmth and energy to flow into me. I feel like I should be an old man sitting in a garden in the morning, reading the paper, drinking his coffee, and enjoying life. I think the only thing that would complete that picture, very happily, would be a pair of dachshunds at my feet. |
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| Lenten failings |
[Feb. 23rd, 2007|02:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  guilty | ] |
Weak human will vs Sin. Instant loss. We can't stand against the temptations and desires of our weak human natures, though we try, we'll rarely prevail. Any successes in that area can only be attributed to the grace of God, and the Spirit in us, that empowers and enables us to fight against sin, temptation, and our own natures.
Fortunately, we have grace to fall back on, and we can ask for forgiveness and attempt to to better. Lets hope to do better during the rest of lent. Christ strengthen me to do so! |
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| Lent begins |
[Feb. 22nd, 2007|12:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The Cave | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Lent has officially begun. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, and marked the beginning of the Lenten Season. A season of quiet contemplation, self-denial, and a reminder of the fact that we can't do accomplish anything without the help and empowerment of Christ. Thus it begins, 40 days and 40 nights of self denial and thinking about stuff. I'm giving up the same thing I always give up for Lent (which I'm not going to mention here). And things seem to be off to a good start. But we'll see where I am in a couple more days after my resolve has had some holes punched into it by temptation. Meh.
Anyway, irony is sweet, if not a vindictive bitch. PBs wedding and whatnot all happens in a month that is ripe with other events that he would rather attend. If only he would see this as a sign that perhaps this particular union shouldn't happen. Alas, that's only a dream that will never happen, so why hope?
Had a meeting with the head of the theology department to discuss my graduating. Discovered that I have two/three options. 1) attempt an independent study and hope to finish it before May, to graduate on time. (Sub-option 1A: wait until fall and take the course then and graduate in December) Option 2)Drop the Lay Ministry certification, and graduate a Theology Major and Lay Ministry Minor and not be a rostered/placable churchworker and be out of here by May. I've given myself a week to think about it, before I meet with my advisor to make any huge decisions. Now I'm wondering where I should go with myself after graduation. Granted I have a bit more options open to me as far as living locations, because I'm not quite so tethered to the church, but my career is far less secured if I don't take the Lay Min certification. Which doesn't leave me in a vastly different position, because I'm uncertain if Church work is what I want to do with my life. After the debacle that was my practicum that I failed, and the current internship and the involvement of church governance I'm not entirely sure that I want to subject myself to the hellish rigamarole that is church politics and all that crap.
Oh, dear God. What am I getting myself into? |
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| Ponderous Days |
[Feb. 19th, 2007|04:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
So a recent google search yielded bittersweet results. My savvy internet searching skills allowed me to stumble across Poster Boy's/Number 1's blog. And thus began the slow descent of my ponderous thoughts. This has the potential to be a bit lengthy and more than a little emo, so please bear with me. It's been a rough couple of weeks, and is only going to get worse until May. I need this outlet.
Anyway, contemplating PB/#1 I was thinking about a couple of things. Quality of life, and I realize that this is nothing more than a huge gigantic comparison that should never be made, because he and I are two very (worlds apart) different people. But he just seems so involved and likeable and all that. Friends everywhere, success oozing from every pore. What do I have to show for my troubles. A broken family, more debt than I can stand, a broken heart, a bitter outlook, mediocre grades, and a future that doesn't look so good. I mean in 21 years I don't have much to smile about. I'm just being emo. I mean yeah, I'm truthful about who I am, and what do I have to show for it. NOTHING! Grr.
So what is it about me...am I just that real that it makes people uncomfortable. Are people really that shallow that they'd be more comfortable around a version of me that is about a million steps backward from who I am now. Sure, at first I'm bitter and cynical, but given time I can also be caring, kind, open, honest, and a real breath of fresh air. Complicated and emo air at times, but its still fresh.
So does that mean that my quality of life is in any way better than his? I mean yeah, I have pretty much the same schtick going on has he does, but it just seems that he's able to take what he's given and make it better. And while I take what I'm given and I attempt to make it better, it just seems that no matter how hard I try to better anything, it falls apart on me. Everything except people. I have a feeling that the area of friends is the only area that I surpass PB. I have real friends that stand by me no matter what. We've all been through some shit, and come out of it together. That's how I know that we're in this together whether we like it or not. And while I can't claim to know everything about the life of PB, I glean that in the area of friends things are very fake and superficial.
But this whole idea of gleaning segues very nicely into the second thought, if you even remember by now that there were two ponderings about PB. This next one however has more to do with me, I mean this is my blog after all. But lately I've been pondering this whole crush over PB, and every other oogleable thing that I do oogle. Granted, usually my gaydar is pretty good. Probably one of the best in the area, definitely the best on campus at the very least. So pretty much everyone knows that I suspect PB of being closeted, and not without reason. But lately I've been second guessing myself. I mean, am I just looking for things that will substantiate it because I want to believe it. So maybe he is, and maybe he's not, but I feel trapped by the desire for PB, which is never (realistically) NEVER going to come to fruition, which means that I'm wasting energy "stalking" the poor guy.
But how do I stop seeing only what I want to see, and letting it go. I mean the evidence that I have to substantiate his closeted-ness, when looked at a certain way does seem to substantiate my claim. But that's because I'm looking for it, and I want it so badly. See where I'm going with this. It's my desire for it that makes it true, which means I'm deluding myself. And I don't want to do that, because that means I'm going to spend most of my life pining over guys that don't matter. Blah.
Another completely unrelated topic. I've recently been involved in the drama surrounding another guy's coming out. Wonderful, great, blah. I could care less. Because this particular drama opened my eyes to a couple of things. One, people lie, a lot. One person involved in this whole thing, I thought was a friend, and then through the course of all of this I find out she is very VERY uncomfortable with gay people, which is fine. Everyone's entitled to feel however they want. But the kicker is that she led me to believe that we were good friends. Upon realizing this I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. I don't normally get hoodwinked like that. STUPID! *bashes head*
The other thing is that after I let the guy know that I'm available to talk, because I know how hard it can be to come out, especially around here. After the initial discussion, he acts like I've got the plague. Fine, I've got better things to do with my time. Three days later, he's seeing someone. And I'm not mad, I'm just grappling with the unfairness that I feel about the whole thing.
I came out about a year and a half ago, and barring some mistakes, I haven't been able to find anyone, and then this guy comes out and BAM finds someone like that *snaps fingers*. Sure, I've got standards, but now I have to ask myself, are they too high? Are they unrealistic standards and qualities that a guy must have for me to consider dating him? Or is it something more me, am I just too bitter or unlikeable for anyone to be interested? Have I been hurt to much, that I want a relationship, but I don't ever want to be hurt again? Too much pondering will be detrimental to my health, I know it.
And then, yesterday I was told that *he* was going to be on campus. And the only reason I was told was because people remember the aftermath of what happened last time he randomly showed up. I have NEVER been more grateful for an off campus job. I spent the day doing accounting stuff, and was totally at ease, because I didn't have to worry about anything. It was great. Now that I'm back on campus, I'm on edge because I don't want to answer the phone or the door and have it be him. Because I don't want to say the things that I know I'm going to say if I see him again. I'm totally over him, as far as romantic feelings are concerned. But I'm not over how hurt I was because of how he treated me.
*sigh* What do you do when you're a prisoner in your own mind? When your skull is your prison and your thoughts are your jailer? |
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| *le sigh* |
[Feb. 15th, 2007|11:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
So spring semester is in full swing, and with it the ever unfolding drama of CUM. People coming out, dating, hating, misscomuunicating; all normal for CUM. I'm really thinking I should start writing that soap opera screenplay...
I ended up getting that job at LCFS (Lutheran Counseling and Family Services). And between that, my on campus job, and classes, not to mention DnD, Dancing, and Church events, I'm so insanely busy that I barely have time to sleep.
Recently I've been doing some thinking, and I realize that I hate being played the fool. I hate it when people are fake, and I don't ever EVER want to be around anyone who isn't who they really are because of some problem they may have with a particular person. I hate being mislead, and lied to, to my face, because, well that's just mean and cruel. Especially when I'm trying to be the nice one, and be there for whomever it is that might need it, and then find out I've been lied to. It does nothing more than to further my bitterness toward humanity.
I also realize that, at least in the dating world, I'm probably never going to find anyone to spend my time/life with. Because of a couple of traits that I've recently realized are very dear to me. Lutheranism is a key factor in all of this. I need someone who's Lutheran, its just the way it is, we need to be able to understand each other on that level. I need someone who's moderately conservative, even if they're apathecially so. Unfortunately, neither of those traits go well with the whole gay thing, so I feel as though I'm just wandering around with no actual destination. Although it was suggested by a friend that I'm trying too hard. Which is all entirely possible. It's also why I've decided to stop worrying about it(easier said than done). I've got enough to worry about.
Family life exploded as a fight broke out between mom and brother, and brother moved out threatening legal action. I was the first person called afterwards, at 11:30pm. Blarg. Add all of that to the fact that I was just told my car needed about 500$ worth of work done on it to be safely drivable, and it's been a really really good week for me.
Also got my graduation audit done, and because of financial holds on my record, I hadn't been aware of the fact that I failed a requirement for my major, so I need to do some damage control there, which will be OH SUCH A JOY! </sarcasm>
I think that's all I've got for now, I'm really really really really tired, and needed to empty my head before I was going to get any decent sleep. And this is as much as you're going to get tonight, as incoherent as it may be. More will come later, I think, provided time and effort allow. |
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| The refocusing of life |
[Jan. 10th, 2007|09:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
So in the midst of winteriem, I'm feeling a bit discontent. Almost depressed. I decided not to take that job with the sales company. I just can't in good conscience sell people 800$ worth of things they don't need, no matter how good I might possibly be at it. So back to the drawing board.
Life's been rough. I haven't had lots of time to think about stuff that's been going on in my life, or time to mull over the mistakes that I've made in the recent past. And it bothers me a bit, but not as much as it could, but I don't have the time to process it. I would like to be able to sit down and process and integrate some of the events that have happened in recent months, and figure out how I've changed, but life just doesn't allow time for that level of musing, and it bothers me.
But I'm starting to be a bit more focused on things that need to be done, and I can't wait until they are done. I can't wait until I'm finished with school, and I can start a career or work full time and have a place of my own to come home to at the end of the day. Have my own space to think and ponder, and just be.
School is going decent, time management is happening pretty well, I just need to figure out how to best fit in everything that I need to do in a given day in that day to get the most out of it. But I'm sure that will come in time. As will that feeling of contentedness...I hope |
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| Post Christmas misery |
[Dec. 26th, 2006|11:10 am] |
Well, Christmas went well. I ended up getting pretty much everything I asked for, but then again I didn't ask for much for Christmas. The financial conversation that will happen in the next couple of days should make things more interesting. Time spent with family is alright, but I'm realizing that despite all my problems, I'm probably the one with the least amount of problems. My sister has a complex about picking on = beating, which is kind of alarming. And my brother is still carrying around a bunch of unresolved issues surrounding dad's death. Now, a part of me thinks its all a crock from him, and another part wants to give him what he needs, but he's so against it. Because he didn't get what he thought he needed at the time, he's mad, and is holding a grudge against everyone. And its all their fault, of course. Grr.
Anyway, aside from Christmas, and family-ness, what's going on in my life. Well I'm 5 months away from graduating, I failed that practium that I was so angry about. I was diagnosed with Mono today, after three days, and a visit to Urgent care, so needless to say, this is going to make things very interesting. Energy levels are down, and everything in my neck hurts...blarg. I think its time for toast or something, more later....when I have time to report, and I'm not so hungry. On the optimistic side, having mono will give me an opportunity to catch up on my reading. ^_^ |
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| Stable for the moment |
[Nov. 13th, 2006|09:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mozart | ] |
So the hellish semester continues. I've been so busy the last couple of weeks I've barely had time to think. Yesterday I was channel surfing and came across the original Home Alone and How the Grinch Stole Christmas in a short amount of time. Scared me shitless to think I'd pulled a Rip Van Winkle and slept for three weeks. My suspicions were only confirmed when I was on my way to work this morning and heard that the Mix was playing nothing but Christmas music already. Jeez, people! Let me at least get through Thanksgiving! Whatever happened to that holiday...just a speedbump on the way to the biggest marketing ploy of the year? Yeesh!
Had a meeting with my practicum supervisor. Man, that guy is a piece of work. And to boot he's some guru of Youth Ministry. I don't agree with him on a lot of things, and that makes it all that much harder. Personally I think he's blind to a lot of things, but what the hell do I know as a student. I've only held on to my faith through everything I've been through, and everything I continue to go through. Its not like *I* know anything about suffering, or the effects of faith on people. Nope, not me. </bitterness> I think he had some preconceived notions about how this practicum was going to work. Notions that were pretty much me dropping everything to do what he wanted me to do. (Surprise! I'm not like that) That and his communication skills BLOW! He doesn't listen to what you're saying. Of course he listens to the words that are coming out of your mouth, but he doesn't get the meaning that you have behind those particular words. He just puts his own spin on it and *runs* with it. Leaving you no time to argue with him. He's the sort of person that will get everyone all worked up and on a "God High" and then leave. Which leaves the people that he's working with only one place to go....Down. Then he shows up again wondering why they aren't doing things the way he told them. Telling them that if they had only followed his advice it would have all worked out. Well, realistic people know that Faith doesn't work that way, except in theory. You, as the messenger, have to be there every step of the way, to carry people to where they need to be. Never pushing, but gently carrying them into the arms of the Lord. That is the calling of Church workers. (I should probably state that this is just my personal impression of this guy)
My shrink tells me, and I agree that I just need to keep my head down and fucking graduate. (her words, not mine ^_^). She also told me today that she "observed" a behavior trait of mine, and made sure to ingrain in me that it wasn't a criticism. I don't like to take crap from an authority figure. *gaspenchoke* Meh, I agree. I don't like to take crap from anyone, and will fight tooth and nail against it if I have to. If I can't fight, I'll just make things miserable, and do a halfassed job. I know this. But if people in authority wouldn't abuse that privilege (YES, PRIVILEGE) then I wouldn't have to fight. Is it such a big thing to ask for things in a professional manner.
I hate that double standard in the work world. The boss expects you to be 5 minutes early, but they can be two hours late. *That's* setting one hell of an example. Way to go! </sarcasm>
I just want to get out of here. I want this to be over, I want to go live my life away from all the church expectations, double standards, people in charge who are to worried with their own political adgendas to see what they should really be doing, and the hypocrisy. I just want to run away, and not come back... |
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| Still in the realm of the living |
[Oct. 6th, 2006|06:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | the cave | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
So, its been quite awhile since I had not only the time to spend on my blogs, but also the desire to write about my life, and what goes on in my head. I'm still around, doing school, work, trying to stay sane. But lately I'm feeling as though I'm always at the end of my rope, and losing my grip. I found out two weeks or so ago that the teacher that I was supposed to be doing my clinicals with was no longer teaching at the school. So I waited a week to find out what was going to happen. (There had been some talk about me working with the new teacher) Anyway, a week after all this, I get a call from my prof, and he tells me I am indeed going to be working with the new teacher, and to call the principal of the school so a meeting can be arranged. I still haven't gotten around to make that call. Let's see. I applied to a coffeeshop down the road from campus, and had an interview a few days later, and that went very well. I'm hoping to hear back from the job in the next couple of days. I was also offered another job on campus today, with the cafeteria, in the bakery. I may just pick that up because I need as much moolah as I can make, within reason. And since opportunity has knocked, I think I should open the door and invite it to stay awhile.
So that's my life at present. Now we'll get to the fun part; what's going on inside my head.
Since I got the cable in my room hooked up, I've been able to watch TV a bit more now. Still a bad habit to get into after not having TV all summer...but meh. So I noticed that there are Black Movie Awards. Yep. Its not as if there aren't enough awards shows out there, we have to have the Black Movie awards. Now I don't see anything wrong with awarding people for a good performance, but do we need this? Honestly, I thought we were done with segregation, but the problem (as I see it) is that it is no longer white (the PC term being caucasian) people discriminating against black (the PC term being african-American) people. It's african-american people discriminating against themselves. They have BET, and the Black Movie Awards, and somehow that's alright. But I'd be willing to bet an OBSCENE amount of money that if we ever had WHITE entertainment television, or the WHITE movie awards, there would practically be a war about it. It just baffles me how african-american people separate themselves from caucasian people because they want to preserve their own culture, which is an argument heard when this subject comes up. But what I don't understand is why you would subject yourself to self-segregation. Especially after the battles and things you had to overcome to get the rights you have now. It makes me wonder what the people who fought for those rights would say. *sigh*
Another thing, I recently saw something about a fashion show where all models weighing in under 110 pounds were banned from walking the runway. This is because there's a sort of battle in the fashion world over women who are a bit larger. Now, I'm all for that, if you're going to be making and designing clothes, the best thing you can do is make clothes for real people. They far outnumber the models of the world. My problem comes in when I (and my 29 inch waist) go shopping for pants. I can't find any pants SMALL enough. A friend suggested I get girls pants, and I considered it, because I'm really fed up with not ever being able to find pants that fit, ANYWHERE. So if any designer or corporate exec. reads this, understand that while there's a movement in fashion for more plus sizes for women, please think about us really really skinny men with long legs, we're hurting too.
Anyway, the tirade is over, you may go about your lives. Thanks |
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